Sunday, January 22, 2012

1/22/12 - Gratitude and Focus

It is amazing to me that some people just seem to be born with focus. They know from an early age exactly what they want to do in life. That didn't happen for me until October 22.

Since that day, I don't do anything, buy anything or pretty much even think about anything that isn't related to my goals of being a writer and one day living full-time in an RV.  I am focused and the dramatic difference it has made in my life is incredible. And the impact has been swift.

As you know from a previous blog, I am a traumatic brain injury (TBI) survivor, and am very grateful to be alive and functioning. I lost my job, my house, my car, my savings, my retirement, my husband all within a year, 2008-2009. I moved back to my hometown to be near family in March of 2010. Starting completely over has been challenging and interesting, but I have many blessings and am very grateful to have my health.

In July of 2010, 2 of my best friends came to visit me for my birthday. During that visit they helped me set up a Facebook account and showed me the basics. Can you believe that?!?  I didn't even have a Facebook account a year and a half ago. Now look at me! LOL. I will never forget that morning - the 3 of us lounging in the living room, still in our pajamas, each of us on our laptop and them teaching me FB. What fun! I am forever in their debt. Thank you Carolyn and Bobbie. Everything I am today I owe to God and the Grace of Jesus, family and friends (and a few great doctors).

Life continued to be a struggle and nothing changed much from July 2010 to September 2011. I lost Dad in September 2011. That changed something inside me, and it's hard to explain. I hope no one reads disrespect into this statement because if you know me at all, or have been paying attention on any level, you know that I loved that man very much and losing him has been devastating to me. Far more than I ever dreamed it would be. I miss him more than I ever thought would be possible to miss anyone. Yet in Dad's death I found freedom.

I don't have the words to explain it, but there became this sense of urgency to do something. I was up all night on October 22 struggling with the "what to do" question and all my "what ifs" when I finally answered a God nod and created this blog. Until that day, I had no direction, only vague dreams and the nagging desire for something different.

In 3 short months (yes, this is the anniversary date), I have gone from having a "what-the-heck-am-I-doing blog" to an operational website with concrete purpose. I found a voice to stand up for myself in several areas of my life and have even changed jobs. I've entered 3 writing contests and am working on my 4th, and it is a substantial piece - 8,000 words. I started 2 online businesses and since introducing them on January 15, I already have 7 clients with 6 more pending.

I am happier than I have EVER been, and have more energy, and feel better than I have in years.

Am I still broke? Yes. Is it embarrassing that the brakes on my '93 Buick are squealing so loudly that they ask me to turn the car off at the bank window? Yes. Am I amazed that just 3 short years ago I had a life that included a long-term career with the State, a mortgage, a new car, a husband, etc.? Yes. Does it matter? No.

I am so grateful for this life and all my blessings. Even more than that, I am grateful for the focus God has given me.

I am at a time in my life that feels similar to the moment at a theme park when you step off the platform onto a thrill ride. You sit down, buckle up and hold on. I have no idea what lies ahead. I only know that it is coming at me fast, I am steadfast and secure in my seat (holding hands with God), and I am enjoying every moment of this glorious ride.

Thank you for taking it with me.

6 comments:

  1. Hey Darlin,reading your entire blog i just want to say You've come a long way baby! LOL,keep it up. God Bless You my friend.

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  2. @ JB - In my best Southern drawl, "Why thank you sir." LOLrb. :)

    Isn't it amazing? Wow.

    Your comment made me think of the old Jean Nate commercials. Remember those? I hadn't thought of those in years! "You've come a long way baby" "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan." on and on I could go but will spare you. :)

    Thanks again Joe. God bless you too.

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  3. Yes you have come a long way! And you're going full steam ahead too. Soon the whole state of Texas won't be able to contain you...

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  4. I'm very happy for you, and I'm also very proud of YOU!! Keep going, reach for the stars and hold on!!

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  5. @ Maria - somehow missed your comment, just read it and cracked up! Thank you! Too funny - an no offense to my great state but yep, blowing the boundaries wide open! :)

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  6. @ BlackSheep - I'm thrilled you're happy for me but the "proud" comment choked me up. I'm humbled. Thanks John. Reaching for the stars, the moon, infinity and beyond. And holding on. ;)

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