Saturday, March 10, 2012

3/10/12 - Trapped and Tempted

Well, this is a hard post for me to write. Not because anything is wrong, it's just that there is so much emotion attached to it, it's difficult to convey.

Have you ever felt trapped in a life you didn't want? It can be suffocating, almost debilitating, but I refuse to give in, or give up.

I actually have a very blessed life.  The only thing missing is my RV.  I am asking myself how did living in one become so paramount, so central to my being? The only answer I can come up with is two-fold. It's a God Thing, and it completes me. I no longer fit in my sticks and stones existence. I believe with all my heart and soul that the life I am meant to have, the life I long for, and the hopes and dreams I have, will all come true after I get my RV. And yes, I realize how bizarro that sounds.

The good news is I found my perfect RV.  The mighty temptress sits in a dealer lot not far from where I used to work. Isn't she a beauty?

She's a 1998 National Dolphin. At 36', she's about 6' longer than I thought I would like, but I have fallen in love.  She's not mine, but I've gone so far as to give her a name: Dolly. Isn't that adorable?

And yes, once again, I realize how erratic and irrational I sound. Can't help it. It's like seeing that most perfect, adorable puppy at the pound, but having to leave it behind. And actually, for me, it's even more than that. It reminds me of when my biological clock was going off and I was constantly reminded that I would never have children. That was a painful period in my life. Wanting an RV has the same tug. And yes, you may now officially declare me bonkers.

Here are a few reasons why I love Dolly. She not only has a patio awning, she has an awning over every window.

And just look at all the storage and open space. Plus, it's blue. And the best thing about the slide is the side windows. I like those because it means that when the slide is in, the wall behind me (the driver) is open. It won't feel like a wall at all! Woohoo!
 I absolutely love sitting in a rocker recliner, and guess what? Dolly has one and the shelf sitting just behind the chair makes into a table with perfect storage underneath for my eReader and whatever books or magazines I may want to keep.

Check it out... a double-sink (on my really, really want to have wish list), AND a side-by-side freezer/refrigerator!

The cabinets to the right are perfect for storing the crafts and supplies that are needed for my online businesses - no conversion needed. Wow.

It has a full tub so my furry babies can continue to enjoy their baths as usual. LOL

And the bedroom closet spans the entire width of the home! OMG!

Post Edit: And I almost forgot, another item on my really, really want wish list is for the bed to be from the side, not front-to-back. Once again, Dolly is perfect. I love this rig!

The cab features are to die for and I love the level system. The seats have leather backs with cloth fronts, and believe it or not, I don't like to sit on leather (unless it's on my motorcycle). In fact, I have seat covers on my wish list. With Dolly, I don't need seat covers!  Once again, a perfect match.

The counters are Corian, and the sinks and toilet are porcelain. It's a V8 with a 75 gallon tank. It has a 100g fresh water tank, 50g gray and 50g black tank, a 6g hot water heater and 24g propane. What's not to love about Dolly? She rocks!!!

I even found a park that is perfect. It's very affordable and they don't have a problem with Dolly's age. Unlike some of the other parks I visited, the owners and workers at this park were very friendly! It felt like home already and it's in Mansfield - a town I would really enjoy living in.

The bad news is, however, I've already been turned down by my bank and the dealer for financing.  As you know, I lost everything after my surgery in '08.  Until that point, my credit was exemplary.  I know there are smaller, more affordable RVs out there, but as I said in my last post, I had to get honest about what I really want and commit to the features I know that I can live with. Dolly has them all.

I have a friend that is an officer at a bank. She told me she would do the loan in a heartbeat but there are so many restrictions now because of the fiascoes these last few years, she can't. The really sad thing is that paying on the RV and renting a space would actually be 200-300 less per month than I'm paying in rent.  I'd actually be saving money!  I get that I don't look good on paper.  I know the odds are not in my favor, but I am inexplicably driven and can't give this up.

I know it is a long shot, but I have one more lender to try this week.  And it's not just about Dolly. (Although I bet she is wondering why I just left her sitting there. LOL.)  I fear my dream is dying.  I cannot do tight living quarters in an RV (which mandates financing), nor can I continue living where I am now and feeling trapped as I do. God will take care of it, but right now, I'll take all the support I can get. Keep your fingers crossed for me my wonderful readers!!  HugZ!


  1. How Koool is that,never give up,if it be God's will there will be a way sooner or later. I just found mine too,but not nearly as big or nice but within my talent's and budget.....Good Luck,Joe

    1. @ Joe - thank you. I can't wait to see your rig! :)

  2. Ahhhhhh you unveiled her! Way to go :)

    I'm really tired right now but even still I can see the fireworks going off above her as she helps you spark that dream. It WILL work out somehow!

  3. Oh that's a nice one. I love the inside of that. Keep the positive attitude going and go for that dream. I'll say a couple prayers for you and Dolly :)

    1. @ Ann - thank you! Am trying a couple of more things this week and will take all the prayers I can get. :)

  4. Shes a beauty thats for sure!! Don't give up the dream, even though financing can be a stumbling'll overcome and find the right lender who will make it happen!! Go for the longer term financing if they offer it---10 or 12 years....I financed my 1st 5th wheel for 15 years!! Even though we only kept it 3 will prevail!

    1. @ BlackSheep - thanks John! I am even willing to pay a higher interest rate as long as there is NO prepayment penalty. I'll pay it off ASAP. I just have to get it 1st. :) As far as prevailing... I sure am trying. HugZ!