I sold some things, yes, but most importantly I met some wonderful people! Paul bought my lawnmower, weedeater, vacuum cleaner and some knives and knick knacks. He owns a local restaurant and I enjoyed meeting him and his friends. He's even read my blog! Thank you, Paul, especially for the kind words and I appreciate you making the drive to purchase those items.
And on top of that, I got to spend some time with former classmates of mine, Cindy and Leann, that responded to the add off of FB. How cool is that? Cindy is going to take my grandmother's cedar chest and it reminds her of her grandmother. Plus I knew her grandmother so I love this connection!
Cindy and Leann, it was so great to see you both. It was tons of fun catching up on old times and I'm looking forward to our continued friendships. What a blessing you two are! And who knows, maybe someday you'll tell me where your secret fountain of youth is. Wow. :)
I met wonderful, new people and reconnected with old friends. I made some money and generally had a great, blessed, full of Grace evening. Not too shabby! :)
So, why do I feel so melancholy?
I think it's the unknown. I wouldn't call it fear exactly. It's, well, the unknown. And it feels like I'm going in the wrong direction. In my mind (which may be the problem all together - LOL), I was supposed to get rid of all my belongings to move into an RV, not a 1 bedroom apartment.
I'm getting rebellious with God again. I can feel it. Phrases keep popping up in my head such as, "This had better be the last event in the downward spiral" or "I can do this as long as I start going upward from here, rapidly." Dangerous territory.
I have to continually stop and remind myself that I am not large and in charge, God is. My job is to do the next right thing and leave the results up to Him. And stay in gratitude. I need to get centered, and to do this I need to carve out more quiet time with God. When I make more time for Him, and continue doing what I need to do minute by minute, the rest will take care of itself. It always does. Why? Because God's got me covered and I am Living In Grace. I just need the reminders every now and then.
It doesn't help that I am putting in 16-18 hour days working my j.o.b. and preparing for the garage sale and move. How on earth did I ever let myself accumulate so much crap and let things get so disorganized? A semi just needs to back up here and haul all this "stuff" off. It's embarrassing for people to see my house like this. Blah, blah and blah. More dangerous thoughts.
So, in addition to getting God-centered, it's also time to get back to the basics of H.A.L.T. -- taking care of myself -- especially when I'm hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
HungryMy diet regiment is good right now so hunger is not an issue. I am eating well and routinely.
AngryMy anger and frustration will diminish as my God time and gratitude increase.
LonelyIt is extremely rare that I ever feel lonely. I enjoy being alone and I savor solitude, but there are times when I feel overwhelmed tackling all of this by myself. When I'm centered, and my life is balanced, that is not an issue.
Ahhhh, there it is! The magical word. And I didn't even realize it until I typed it just then - BALANCE! I fear I may never have it in my life again. That's what this feeling of spiraling downward is about. It's hard to have balance when things are constantly changing. That leads right back to Trust and being God-centered and living in Gratitude. I know how to get back to that. All will be well. All IS well.
TiredBeing tired is the one thing I might not be able to do much about right now. At least it's temporary, or at least I hope it is. I'm counting on getting into that apartment and shutting the world out for awhile and letting the dust settle. And yes, getting some much needed rest. That's my plan, and what's in my head, but as I've said before - God has a way of pointing and saying, "Isn't that cute? She has a plan." We shall see.
Thanks for staying with me through all of this wonderful readers. I'm really glad you're here. Love and hugZ!
I wrote my post above, and the very next thing God put in my path was this from Glenn's blog, To Simplify. PERFECTION! Sometimes I think God has a very wicked sense of humor. Enjoy.