Thursday, September 6, 2012

9/6/12 - August Heat


I know we’re well in to September, but the heat has been hot on my bee-hind (as was pronounced by my Great Grandma) since August.

According to NOAA, through today, September 6, there have been 32 triple-digit highs at DFW Airport this year.  Not as bad as 2011, but hot enough nonetheless.

Of course I’m using poetic licensure here in referencing the heat in my life, but it has been bad.

As you know from my close out post, July was good.  Then the August heat came (figuratively and literally).  Whew!

I’ll give you the list of events that turned up the heat, but it’s not the individual events – it’s the accumulation of it all.  Infinitum, actually.  I’m tired.  Surely God knows that.

THE LIST

My dogs nearly died"Nearly" being the operative word.  I am so grateful and I still tear up when I hug my furbabies.  I realize that all of this may be overkill on the sharing, but I’m all in.  No holds barred, no punches pulled.  I want things to turn around in my life and I’m fighting back!  Sharing on my blog is part of my weaponry.

So, on with THE LIST…

Just before my dogs got sick, I had a seizure.  Then the ear and nose bleeds got worse so I was hospitalized for testing.  Missed a week of work – AND pay!  Great.

The prognosis is permanent.  Or so they say.  I don’t think they know.  I don’t think anyone except God does.  I have not 1, but 2 (!) bone fragments left over from my injury, and they have moved.  The movement is miniscule but they have moved nonetheless.  One fragment is on the inside of my skull and the other on the outside, at my temple.  They are certain the movement is the root cause of my issues.  Speculation.  Again, they have no way of knowing for sure.

They sent a social worker to talk to me about medical disability.  That is NOT my life.  I refuse!


One of the more interesting symptoms that has developed as of late is that my knees occasionally quit working.  Mind you, there is nothing wrong with my knees.  It’s as though they just simply forget how to function.  They buckle.  When that happens, I may or may not fall.  It doesn’t happen very often, and by “fall” I mean I just sort of fold to the ground – no tumbling or nose dives or anything like that – my height is just suddenly lowered.  LOL.  Then, after just a few seconds, I stand back up and keep going.  Like I said, “interesting.”

Also, like I said, “I refuse!  This is NOT my life!”  So, I have started jogging.  I’m sure it is quite interesting to see me “jogging” because a turtle could pass me.  Nonni and Bentley enjoy it though, and at my less-than-turtle pace, I am able to go a pretty good distance in spurts.  Another interesting tidbit is that my knees have not buckled while jogging.  Hmmmm, things that boggle the mind (?).

Oh yeah, a few more things – my key is steadfastly stuck in Betsy’s trunk.  Went out and opened it one morning, and that was as far as I got.  Poor Betsy Buick, we live in the ghetto but I’m sure she’d rather not look like it!


I worked on it and tried everything I could - short of breaking the key.  Two of my neighbors hung out for a long time and tried to help as well.  They are laughing in this picture because I asked them whether or not I should be concerned that my neighbors own Slim Jims.  LOL. :-{


I WILL get a locksmith on it as soon as I can, but for now, I just wave at people as they pass me and gawk.  The universe wants to turn up the heat?  Bring it on baby. The fight is on and I WILL win!  This is NOT my life.

Oh yeah, one last thing.  I went out to water my hanging flowers and fill the bird feeder this morning, as is my routine, but someone had stolen them during the night.  I know the big, green, neon sign that I put up on the building is sinking pretty low, futile, AND petty, but it made me feel better.  Like I said, the fight is on.  I refuse to stay down!


To be honest, it got so bad, especially the week I was off work, that at one point I wasn’t so sure I wanted to live anymore.  I wasn’t suicidal, and I’m not depressed, I just felt like the life was being drained out of me. Death felt imminent.  That’s when I decided to fight back and I plowed through – thanks to the Grace of God, and a few of my close friends and family members.

The dream of living in an RV seems like it is out of reach for now, but I haven’t given up.  Before all of this happened, a friend asked me if I was sure that living in an RV was God’s plan for me.  My response at the time was, “With every fiber in my being.”  (It’s too bad I don’t have dramatic, theatrical affects to offer.  OMG!  LOL.)

Shortly after that conversation, I remembered a quote by Susan B. Anthony:
“I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.”
The truth is, I don’t know whether or not it is God’s plan, I only know I want it so badly I long for it and dream about it almost every moment of every day.  Since I don’t have a dime to my name and just took out a payday loan to make ghetto rent, it’s a fairly safe bet that it’s not something that is going to happen any time soon, but the one thing I do know is…

You guessed it…

THIS is NOT my life.  I refuse.  And I WILL win.

In addition to being open and honest on my blog (which doesn’t allow it to stay in the dark – whatever it is that is keeping me stuck in this manifestation), I have signed up for a Prosperity Consciousness class that starts next week and goes through October.  I’m heightening my prayer and meditation, and I have a few more things as well to add to my arsenal.  I am likely to come up with even more ideas as I jar my brain while jogging.  LOL.  Regardless, no one will ever be able to say I didn’t try.

If you, my wonderful readers, have any suggestions – I’m open.  Bring it on.  ;)

I close with a song that I love:  That’s Why I Pray by Big & Rich.  Enjoy!

12 comments:

  1. I don't have any suggestions for you. I can only let you know I am reading, and thinking of you, and wishing upon the brightest stars that things turn around for you. I love the picture of your laughing neighbors-mostly because of the story that went with it. I didn't know all of this was going on with you. I am sorry for not being a better friend and taking the initiative to find out what you are doing/going through. I will have to work on that. I'm here when you need to talk, vent, cry, laugh or anything else I have not come up with. Love you!

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    1. @ Brianna - This is my battle, and I know you're always there for me. Thank you for the sweet words. No worries! Love you too. :)

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  2. Always darkest before the dawn.... sending you a bright new day starting now!

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    1. @ Maria - you always brighten my day dear friend. Thank you. HugZ!

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  3. I know exactly all the feelings you have and are going thru with trials of health and wealth.

    I've done the RV thing and it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. Mind you, I bought a 36' one with all the extras; but driving and parking it became my worst nightmare. I was living in Silicon Valley at the time right at the Dot Com bust and parking spaces were very minimal and exceptionally expensive, so I chose a less expensive means and found a space to park for as long as the cops didn't make me move. All my dreams of cruising the open road, especially in Northern California never materialized and I got hosed big time when it came to selling it about 2.5 years later. Just be forewarned that RV depreciation is in the $10's of thousands compared to a much smaller amount or cars and trucks - so buy a gently used 4-7 year old model and you'll escape most of the big loss; unless you plan on doing it permanently like some do.

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    1. @ Terry - thank you for sharing! Sorry to hear about the hosing - that is never fun. It will be many years before I can retire and travel but I want to live in one full time as soon as I can. It will be my permanent, full time home.

      I agree - smaller and used is the way to go. I now have several friends that are already doing it (gave up sticks and stones permanently). I can't wait. I say to myself, "Self - Patience grasshopper. Patience!" :)

      Thanks again!

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  4. if Gabby Giffords can come back from a gunshot wound in her brain and stand and lead the convention in the pledge of allegiance, you can do your overcoming to. you have the right attitude and i applaud you and say you go girl..... keep on keeping on no matter what. this to shall pass. don't know when or how but it will if you will it.

    i think one of the best things you can do is what you are doing here, broadcast it to your friends, we want to hear it, and talking about it is healing and also brings you prayers and support and blog hugs. you are not alone... i love the laughing guys, to funny. and the green sign makes me howl with laughter. so sorry you lost a weeks pay. you made me think of Man Plans, God laughs... hang in there and you will reach the end of the tunnel some time... keep jogging that sound like what you need. the WANT to will overcome... and you have it.

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    1. @ Sandra - blog hugs are A-MA-ZING! Thank you!!! I don't have TV so thanks to you, I just watched Gabby Giffords lead the Pledge on YouTube. I bawled like a baby!

      Sometimes, I regrettably report, I do feel alone in this battle. I think it's hard for people to understand how frustrating and scary it is. And sharing it publicly was also scary, but I had to. Experiencing that "near death" feeling shook me to the core. You're right - if Gabby can do it, then surely I certainly can too.

      After going back to work this week, I am completely exhausted - to the point of being immobile tonight, and it's times like this that doubt starts creeping in. Then I read the wonderful reader comments and messages, and I find hope again. I don't mean to be so maudlin so often, but you're right, I have the WANT to overcome. I expect I will watch that inspirational video many times over in the coming months. Thank you again, my sweet blogger friend.

      xxo,
      D

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  5. Sounds like you need a cleansing smudge (sage and cedar). Then wrap yourself in God's protecting white light. It is hard to remove all the negative things that may encroach on your life. Keeping the Faith that God is leading you in the direction He wants you to go is what is important. These things will pass. Prayers for restoring your health going up and positive energy is sent your way to help you maintain.
    Love you - Judy

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    1. @ Judy - We have known each other for 15+ years and I have never heard you mention smudging or the likes of such before. I had to Google it! Fascinating! Keeping in mind that I'm in DFW now, not Austin, where would you recommend I buy the herbs?

      Funny you mention God's white light. It just came up this week during meditation and I have been enveloped in it every morning as I meditate. Interesting.

      Yes, these things will pass, but they seem to need a "nudge" to get along (grin). Part of my prayers have been for God to show me what I need to do to make whatever changes I need to make. I told Him I was ready to try and do anything - just give me guidance, I pleaded. Hmmmmm, so far, here's what has come up: jogging, a Prosperity Consciousness class, and now smudging. He sure is keeping it interesting! LOL.

      Love and hugZ,
      D

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  6. I have finally caught up on your blog. I hope that you continue blogging. I know that it certainly helps me stay sane. I hope that we will be able to meet F to F soon.

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    1. @ Susan - I agree! About the blog keeping me sane and that we hopefully meet F2F soon. I see on your blog that you have discovered the Czech Bakery. I may have to grab us a bag of kaloches when I come see you. ;)

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